Presidential To-Do List

1. Make a speech ultimately about nothing.
2. Dodge logical questions.
3. Answer idealistic questions with more ideology.
4. Increase publicity and funding for the war on drugs.
5. Remove funding for homicide and kidnapping investigators.
6. Mine oil from Saudi Arabia.
7. Declare war when oil is safely exported.
8. Print money.
9. Make Joe the treasurer (Still owe him five bucks).
10. Pay off illuminati to keep public confused.
11. Tell then next year I found and killed illuminati leader.
12. Try not to say democracy would never work in an established country on T.V.
13. Stage a fake assassination; survive fake assassination.
14. Accept bribes from Nike and Nestle; Ignore child labor.
15. Make a bunker in case of zombie apocalypse.
16. Engineer zombie virus (just in case).
17. Claim to have a plan for fixing economy.
18. Watch economy crash; somehow blame China.
19. Build personal submarine called S.S. Obaminator.
20. Fight terrorism or something.
21. Regulate banks and abolish currency before turning into third world nation.
22. Impose new world order.
23. Bomb England… I AM a good leader.
24. Establish dictatorship.
25. Call dictatorship the “Democratic Monarchical Republic of the Human Liberation”.
26. Start conquest with Canada, Mexico, and Cuba.
27. Invade Russia from through Siberia during winter.
28. Demonize Russia for wiping out our army once they all die of hypothermia.
29. Nuke Russia.
30. Profit.
31. Fix health care if I still feel like it.